free hugs movement

Thanks Robbie! This is really enlightening! Your genuine love for everyone around you has never failed to inspire me. You always let me see there is so much love out there.

Let the free hugs movement begin. Many others deserve our love, more!

change of luck

My mum always go to Guan Yin Temple at Waterloo Street to pray for my health and safety, especially so everytime i am back. She always say i need to repay the goddess's kindness.

For the first time in my life, i decided to seek some guidance from the goddess over what lies ahead for my love life. For the first time in my life, i picked up the wooden cylinder filled with bamboo sticks and asked the goddess to give me the blessing i need to move ahead, with candidness, sincerity and love. With faith, I went on my knees like other devotees and shook the cylinder, out fell a stick inscripted with number seventy three. I threw the two red amulets onto the carpet and the signs matched up. I marched over to the elderly tendor. He smiled wisely; "This is a very good intepretation", and handed me the pink slip.

"The season took a good turn. Plenty of good things. One day a great happening occur to even reach Heaven"

While i have always relied on my independent streak for the most part of my life for taking the next step in life, sometimes you just need a kind goddess somewhere out in Heaven to bail you out on affairs of the heart. Be it him whom i am missing now or someone further down the road, i am excited about the good things coming my way in my love life!

hazy paradise

Esplanade, against the hazy backdrop of the Singapore financial district. I am excited that performing arts is picking up speed in this country! Its about time.

While Singapore still has room to grow culturally, it is by international standards a whole class state for shopping and food delights! Super sized malls filled with diverse independent street labels and multifarious eateries and restaurants can make this country a very very perilous place for a vacation. I admit i had fallen victim on this shopping and food paradise very easily.....

reflections...

Before meeting up with Jessica and Viona for dinner at boat quay, i got to sit by the river for a good half hour to enjoy the night and attempt to stay awake from my jet lag. Its humid, but bearable. The towering backdrop overlooking the quay is the financial district of Singapore, where i used to dedicate zillion hours into corporate slavery, often working till the wee hours of dawn. Yet somehow, my effort seemed to have paid off. Looking back, i think i have been lucky.

Just like fashion, fashionable hang out places find themselves "in" one day, and "out" the next day. Boat quay used to be one of the "to see and to be seen" places 10 years ago, yet now it seem to be sadly replaced by newer leading edge venues and function more like a tourist trap these days. It is impossible not to be harrassed by a thousand touts, some of who are young teenage girls pleading you to step into their business venues for a meal or drink when you walk along the sidewalk. Are there just too many restaurants and bars in this country that it has become such a cut throat exercise to even survive?

Jessica and Viona are two strong individuals who i have felt very close to for a long time. Both excellant in volleyball during high school days, both truely honest and genuine. Me and Jessica have never been in the same city long enough in the 10 years we knew each other, yet somehow somewhere, we manage to find each other for a good meal to catch up on all our adventures. There will be more to come; working in Europe, marriage, kids,.......I wish them all the luck!!

reunited

Its nice to know that somethings never change.......

Friendships- After such a long time, we still behave comfortably around each other like adults refusing to grow up....as if i have always been there....

Shopping habits- I spent S$1,000 today on SKII products, 3 pairs of jeans from Topman, 1 vintage green (i kinda starting to regret it) coat from U2 and some business shirts/pants from G2000!

singapore-my roots

I arrived in Singapore late Monday night, greeted by my parents at the arrival hall. Its kinda surreal to finally see them again after such a long time. My first reaction-i noticed that my parents have aged a fair bit. Feeling of guilt crept into me. Why did i choose to live and work so far away from home? Should i be close by my parents now that they are retired with so much free time on hand? Then i gradually noticed how at ease and comfortable my parents are with each other and with the stage of their lifes at the moment. My parents have been through so much tension and challenges in this marriage, yet have finally come to terms with it, treasuring what they have now. I am very touch by their affections, so very subtle, yet so heartfelt, genuine and concrete enough to withstand years of exclusive union. Makes you wonder what has changed so drastically from generation to generation? Have we all somehow evolved to be overly self important and commitment phobic to the extent that we will let go and give up once the slightest flaw surface in our relationships? Where have our drive and determination to hang on to something we all perceive to be so important gone? Will we ever see the ultimate allure of aging and growing old with that someone? Forever? I do and its damn about the right time for me.

So it is actually hot and humid (not surprising) and hazy (rare and due to forest fires in Indonesia) in Singapore, to the extent that it raises health concerns. I was perpetually drenched in my own perspiration. 2 days in Singapore, 2 pimples on my face. I spent some time walking around the modest neighbourhood i grew up in and reminiscing my childhood and adolescent days...the local hawker centres, the small independent shops, the all so familiar community residents babbling in various dialects in the wet marketplace. Gentrification is clearly visible and imminent. Compared to 2 years ago, a lot of public places have been upgraded and renovated. In a few more months, a huge shopping mall will be completed in a lot right next to my block. While things have improved structurally on the surface, I feel happy that atmospherically i can still feel close to my roots here.

The weather may not be perfect in Singapore, but local food is always and will always be. I have literally been gorging none stop since i arrived, mummy's cooking plus local hawker delights! Where can you get a big bowl of mee pok for S$3 (US$2) for breakfast? And apparently over Vietnamese dinner with a friend, i learnt that S$1,500 (US$900) can get you a ridiculously BIG 3 bedroom apartment along River Valley road (prime district). I am paying the twice that amount for a ridiculously small studio in Manhattan!

I am happy to be back to indulge in being Singaporean again. Shopping, massages, catching up with friends, food, food and more food...there will more good things to come! And my dear friend was kind enough to blog about me returning! Hilarious!

life first- appreciating what you have

There are many reasons why you can say your life is wonderful. Here are just a few reasons why mine is...

Despite being many miles away from home during the Chinese Mid Autumn Festival, i got to spend last Friday with a big group of friends feasting on spicy steamboat at Grand Sichuan in Chinatown. Someone even brought mooncakes!! I felt very at home that night despite the recent down.

My boss decided to fly me first class back to Singapore, with a side business trip thrown in to Tokyo on the way back. Its my first experience on first and i get to explore Tokyo over that weekend. Looking forward to seeing my family and mummy's cooking. Its been close to 2 years since i have been back!

An old friend of mine chat me up recently from Prague. She is getting married next year. I am so so happy for her. Once the shy timid girl i knew when we first entered the work force fresh out of college, she has grown into a confident super jet setter who had travelled the world for work before my eyes. Over the years, we have always been encouraging each other to pursue our dreams. Its good to know hers is coming through soon. I will be making plans to be in Singapore next year for her big day.

Had awesome Korean food at Koreantown last night as an excuse to celebrate Fan's birthday. Totally gorged myself. Pancakes, beef vermicelli, spicy seafood soup...yum yummy! We very typically found ourselves at someone's farewell party somewhere in Chelsea, where we very typically indulge ourselves to our usual weekend liquor intoxication. Glass after glass, everyone around me seemed to be using alcohol to subdue their inner feelings and frustration. As the night flew past, i started witnessing life; hatchet buried and friends making up, jealousy arising over lost love with new flame, frustrations and pain with oneself's inability to let go of the past, lots of tears and drama....all these clearly visible to me. And i realized maybe everyone somehow has to go though challenges in life before we can all fully appreciate it. And everyone has their own stories with love. Hopefully, everyone of us can have a great one to tell in future.

Just like life, there are gloomy and beautiful days in New York. Today is an exceptional grogeous one. New Yorkers are out in full force parading the latest fall fashion. Jackets and fur coats are out of the closets! I think leggings and boots are kinda in this season though. Of course gigantic shades as well!

After brunch at La Palette today, Fan brought me to Cupcake Cafe in Chelsea where i snapped the pic. Dun these things look really tempting. Yes, we did had cupcakes. Who can resist?

We finally talked again today. Felt like a huge burden left my shoulder. I felt lighter, a lot more relieved. No matter what happens, i will like to at least maintain our friendship. He is already in my life, and he does not need to walk out completely....

 

life first- what it meant and what i have yet to learn

My family.
My brother was visiting in New York over the last few days, after a month long graduate course in California. It has been more than a year since we met. Unfortunately, i was not at my peak to spend much quality time with him. Nevertheless, his presence still ignited comfort and reassurance to my somewhat somber mood. I saw how excited he was showing me pictures of his trips and how inspired he was by entrepreneaurialism so lacking in Singapore, yet so prevalent in Silicion Valley. It was a very gratifying moment. Although we have never appeared close and have vastly different personalities and character, we know we cared for each other. This love is real, not expressed by any formal gestures, yet very easily and comfortably felt. My brother, who i have shared a bedroom with for the longest time back home had so much passion in his eyes as he went on and on about his adventures and his future visions....I felt so so happy for him. We after all have been the underdogs from our modest upbringings, yet have constantly strived towards achievement and not gave up. Over the last few days, i have an immediate urge to run back home to the arms of my mum. There, I will be safe. There will be no lies, no malicious rumours, no misunderstandings, no games. Mistakes can be forgiven. Lessons can be learnt. You will always get a second chance to do better. Unlike reality, everything you have with your family is real. I have the sudden desire to be protected like a child again.

My friends.
Through my life, i had met some very inspiring people who became my friends and mentors. They stood by me when i was beaming like an angel, yet was also with me when i had fallen. I have always told myself how incredibly blessed i have been. I am way past the stage where we need or want to be popular or be surrounded. I need a few nearest and dearest. And as always, i hope for longevity. Friends forever, i believe in that.

A very special friend of mine many many miles away has hit a tough patch in his love life. Despite previous setbacks and very unique obstacles, he had chosen to be in a very challenging relationship that requires testing compromises. Such generosity in love is just so rare and heartening these days. So, i really pray and wish him the best.

My beliefs in love and relationship.
I want to believe in love and long lasting monogamous relationships. I want to be positive in this belief because it is important for me to. Love to me is the most empowering motivation human force. Only with love, you feel. It comes with an uplifting range of exclusive emotions. Only with love, any compromises will be worthy. I desire connections which are pure and real, more driven by emotions than based on pragmatism or self creation. Yet, this belief seem out of touch with reality.

There have been very few people who i have let walk into my life. I have never dated a lot because its my preference to keep any relationships i have memorable and meaningful. I am not the type that can let people walk in and out my life easily. So recently, despite fully aware certain challenges, i choose to let someone in. Somehow despite cautionary feedback from others, i choose to adopt positivity and faith. Yet, somehow by choosing to trust and not to hold back, i wondered why we are where we are right now. Why i have ended up hurting myself and him. Why we have to let go. What we have done wrong. Why good things have to come to an end. For the first time, i felt i was naive.

Growing up to reality.
I have learnt that reality can bite. The world suddenly seem to be a more dangerous and less trusting place. Even if you think that love is all it really matters, complications and misunderstanding aften arose from others that have nothing to do with our lifes and you have no power to control. I have felt victim to a world full of misleading information. Who should i trust? Should i conform and start protecting myself like everyone? Should i adopt a cautionary pragmatic approach? Will there be less pain?

I seem to have been defeated by reality.

Road to recovery.
And so i guess i have no choice but to begin this journey. I knew myself too well that this is not going to be easy. Even though it has been a short time, I had opened up to someone with total honesty and respect. I have tried to look at our future. No games, pure love, pure desire to for longevity. And now, i have to try to let go of someone i thought could be the one.

Life first.
Eveyone's life is unique. Probably the only thing you have that cannot be replicated by others. Most of the time, we get to choose how we want to live our lifes so that we can find happiness. We certainly do not need million dollar houses or fancy cars to be able to say life first, but i feel that even though our lifes are unqiue, it does often revolve around people we love. Its important to conduct ourselves with honesty, respect, integrity and dignity, because our actions can sometimes cause hurt and pain to others. Only by doing so, being real and living you life to your desires, can you one day look back and say, "hey, life first, things second!".

met

La Gioconda.  

footsteps

For the past few nights, instead of hopping into a car home after work, i have been strolling listlessly around the city. Cabs and cars zipping past, strangers brushing by, dazziling manhanttan buildings.......It has been a tough week. Thanks for the special two for listening.

Its finally fall in New York........

pain

When i was 18 years old, someone who had been in love told me that being forced to let him go was the most excrucating pain he had ever felt. As if being stabbed and a piece taken away from him. Today, i finally understood what he meant........